i honestly don't know where i'm going in life anymore. i'm stuck at a job that i don't like but i have to continue working there even though i'd much rather not work to focus on school. i want to get married but we can't afford to move in together yet and how dumb would it look to not be living with my husband? i just want alan and i to be able to live the way we dream to. we both want to go to school and live together. we can't even have that. it's so frustrating.

i had a dream last night that i won the lottery and spent MILLIONS on books and bookshelves. i lived in this tiny cottage apartment and had every wall covered in books and bookshelves. i just sat around and read books all day long. it was perfect. i still hold out hope on eventually going to school to be a librarian. i'll be a professional student for a living. just filling my brain with knowledge.

i really hope these people from sanrio call me back. i want to quit...

i've become pretty disenchanted with a lot of my friends lately. the days that i have off from work everyone never calls me back. i'm tired of having friends who only want to hang out wit you when its convenient for them. and when we do "hang out" , it's just me following them around while they run errands. i'm over it. i hate having friends that don't to hang out.

foward to the future

today alan had to go home. it's gut wrenching for me when he has to go. i wanted him to stay so badly but we both knew he couldn't. my roommates can't be trusted, there a bunch of catty girls. i joked with alan about "going underground"; getting a hot plate and mini fridge so i don't have to hear anymore shit about the kitchen i barely use. i'm giving it some serious thought.

so chubby got a name change last night. i decided that his name is jacob. i love the name jacob, it means supplanter which is basically to take the place of something. he's taken the place of my last dog peanut and refilled my heat with love. i've been calling him jake, i think it suits him.


i need a camera.